| I am... |
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| 01:37pm 18/05/2009 |
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mood:  ecstatic
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Having an amazing time. We're in Nairobi, right now, getting to explore town.
Everything is so...I don't know. It's hard to explain. The roads are awful, but the parks are beautiful. There's intense poverty and decent wealth. We live with Kenyan dogs and monkeys that jump on our roofs in the morning. We see giraffes on a daily basis and we met a boy who has a pet cheetah.
I miss home, but I don't know how I can get myself to leave this place. |
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(2Ya rly!s | O Rly?) |
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| Stay on the sunnyside... |
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| 01:37am 24/03/2009 |
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mood: refreshed
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Life is pretty okay right now. After coming home from my trip to New Orleans, I feel all put back together. Time with Cait is good for that. Talking with her helped me to re-evaluate a lot of things.
I'm doing well in school, and for once in my stint here, I'm really digging all of my classes. Studying isn't such a chore, anymore! Awesome that it took me almost four years to feel like this, right?
It's strange. I've brought back people into my life and I feel like I've lost a couple along the way. It makes me kind of sad to think I've been purged, but it's really not my choice, now is it?
I'm really lucky to have the friends that I do. Even the ones I don't see all that often fit right back into place when I do get to spend time with them. I should call people more often to drop by.
I have a lot to look forward to, and it feels kind of nice to NOT be stressing over the stuff I was getting bent out of shape over, before. It's a nice sense of normalcy. I hope it lasts! There's still a minor bit of fretting here and there, of course, but I feel much more in control of it.
Ah. Spring, come out faster. You're doing me good.
P.S.- I might have to stop watching Hackers for a while. |
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(3Ya rly!s | O Rly?) |
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| Beat to the punch. |
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| 05:17pm 25/02/2009 |
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mood:  okay
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I started work, this morning. It's...telemarket-y. I wonder how long I can stick with it; probably as long as it takes me to find another job?
I also got ashes, this afternoon, at a Church on campus. I felt the need for ritual and maybe a little soothing. I'm not a Catholic, true, but I like the feel inside most churches and remembering all the word and gestures is kind of comforting.
Much like Caitlin wrote, I am also trying to get myself in order. I'm using the Lent idea as a springboard, but hopefully the changes stick after the period is over. I am trying to watch what I say. I would like to be nicer--I think it's possible? I have a lot of tweaking to do, and I'm not sure where to start, but I hope I keep my motivation. It's a good physical/mental/emotional mix, I think.
As for the rest of everything, I'm not sure on any of that. I'm just looking for break, now. The rest will come when I get it together? |
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(O Rly?) |
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| Great. |
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| 09:44pm 16/02/2009 |
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mood:  uncomfortable
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You are crazy. I just want you to know that, even though you don't read this. I know it's in your nature to be emotional and to throw massive fits, but that doesn't make it any less exhausting, no matter how long I've dealt with it. Your affection yo-yo-ing back and forth is driving me nuts, especially when everyone else in the family seems to mock me for how much you supposedly adore me. We were doing so well for a bit, there--why'd it go to shit (common theme in my life. It'd be easy to pin-point you as the root)? You should be proud of me. I'm about to graduate. I'm getting the chance to go to Africa. And you know what you shouldn't do? Guilt-trip me about you possibly dying in surgery and then kick me out of the house for the week of spring break.
Love,
Your kid.
My head hurts. So does my stomach, kinda. I think it was from me eating massive amounts of sugar and then Mickey D's today, after not eating it for a month or so. '
My head has actually been throbbing since Valentine's Day.
I don't even know what's going on, anymore. I'm tired. I'm sorry.
And I really don't give a fuck about this exam in the morning. But, Hell, I'll go pretend to study, anyways. |
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(O Rly?) |
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| I'm alive...? |
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| 01:02am 09/02/2009 |
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mood: calm
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That would explain the update. This is me, unable to do my lab report. I leveled with myself, though--one post full of whatever uselessness I choose, and then I must go do my work. Seems fair, right?
I saw He's Just Not the Into You yesterday with Nahid...and I hate admitting I didn't hate it. But there! There's the truth!
This semester is nice, so far. I like my classes and I feel like I could actually do well in all of them. They're genuinely interesting. Life in the apartments is nice, if not a little weird without Holly next door. I miss her, I think. The weather has been more bearable than brutal, and believe me, I am thankful for it. Also! I got into both Study Abroad programs I applied for---one is to Uganda and the other is to Kenya. The Kenya one still has most of my interest, but I'm going to check out the other, tomorrow. I'll have a decision by tomorrow night (since I kind of have to, at the risk of not staying in the Kenya one).
I also have Spring Break to look forward to! Cait and I are going to New Orleans and I am SUPEREXCITEDOMGWTFBBQ. Now all I need is a job and some income! Yes, I know the economy is lame, but SOMEONE must be hiring, and at this point, I could give less than two shits what I end up doing. I can grin and bear it for three months before I graduate/go abroad/go home.
Okay--less substance, more pictures!
( Warning: totally some scar pics up in here. )
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(1Ya rly! | O Rly?) |
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| Writer's Block: Know by Heart |
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| 10:08pm 08/02/2009 |
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mood: chipper
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When I was younger, I thought the chorus to the song Across the Universe, by the Beatles, was "Kangaroo Dave" instead of "Jai Guru Deva (om)". I know that seems like a weird confusion, but go listen!
For the longest time, I was convinced the song was about some guy named Kangaroo Dave.
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(O Rly?) |
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| Oh, but now I know that I was wrong... |
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| 05:03am 08/12/2008 |
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mood:  awake music: You got it, you got it bad.
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I loathe finals.
I also loathe the fact that I feel like I worked harder this year, and yet I still suck in several classes. Why can't I be more motivated? More driven? Why can't I actually put serious, unquestionable effort into school? It'd be nice to be good at learning.
I feel...weaker, somehow. Not physically, not really mentally, either---my personality is something different. Or, at least, I think it is. I don't know when or where it happened, but something about my emotions/self/whateverwe'recallingit has changed. I don't think I like it. I talk too much and I've stopped listening. I try to catch myself, but I'm always a second too late, and I'm left feeling like an ass. It's like it's out of my fucking control, which is ridiculous. I don't know. I'm just not myself anymore, I guess. I wonder if I'll come back?
The library is lonely at this point of the night/morning.
All right---more Orgo review before my exam. Good luck on finals, everyone! |
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(O Rly?) |
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| Shake, shake... |
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| 03:16pm 09/11/2008 |
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mood:  bouncy
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It's been a pretty good week. A new president and the wind-down of the semester, an orgo quiz I actually did well, and McDonald's breakfast at 3:30 AM. Pretty good, right?
I am feeling fit, today--for the past couple of days, actually.
I played Artic Tale last night, on the Wii. It's pretty awesome. Well, kind of. Honestly, it's not really all that good, but it has this addictive quality to it. I think I'm really just looking forward to leveling up to the point where I can play as an Orca. Fuck yes! The Walrus stage is probably badass, too.
It's snowing. How ridiculous is Michigan? But I am in the warm library, reading about guppy sex, but mostly talking to Nahid and Beth. And listening to bad pop music.
Yeah, life is pretty good. |
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(2Ya rly!s | O Rly?) |
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| Deviancy... |
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| 02:49pm 01/11/2008 |
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mood: blank
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I honestly don't even know what I'm doing.
I am taking a vow.
My head hurts, but not from the booze. I hardly even drank, last night. Halloween was fun. Holly and I made a good team--I was glad people understood our costumes as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy.
Ugh. Me. I am such a goober. |
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(O Rly?) |
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| No other box... |
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| 07:38pm 29/10/2008 |
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mood: ditzy
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So, sometimes, reading the weird, poor poetry of others makes me want to do something similar. But alas, I cannot bring myself to do it. I write sins, not tragedies. Hahah, yes, that sentence just happened.
After a mini-trip with Jake to Ann Arbor, where his mother momentarily made me question my existence (though I don't think she meant to), we headed back here. I got to watch An American Werewolf in London, again, whilst writing this six page long memoir for my English class. In case you were wondering, it is full of lame bits like the paragraph above. Anyway, I was kind of proud of it, and it took me until 2 AM to finish. I saved it and went to bed, ready to share it with my group.
Only, when I woke up this morning, and tried to print it for a full fucking half an hour, my printer decided to be a monumental piece of crap and wouldn't print a thing. It was 3:30 before I gave up, and decided maybe the library would be a better bet, but by the time I would be done there, an hour of class would be over. I begrudgingly skipped it, pissed that I had done so much work for nothing!
But, on the plus, it did give me time to get the rest of my costume together. After 40+ plus trips around East Lansing, I think I'm all together. Now, I must dye, glue, and sew. WOO.
I don't know where my head's at. |
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(O Rly?) |
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| They're heeeeeeere... |
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| 12:16am 28/10/2008 |
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mood: calm
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So, after my sweet Orgo exam, my birthday celebrations kicked off. I spent Thursday night with most of the best people I know, here (anywhere, really), and I got to play some video-games! Hell yeah, zombie shooting whilst drunk!
I puked Friday morning, into the glass of water I was drinking from.
But! I shook it off, choked down some shredded wheat, and got ready to go. Sean and Steve were nice enough to accompany me to Detroit, and to get my car back safely. The plane ride was boring, and I dozed off for 20 minutes with my head at a weird angle.
Friday night was spent girl-talking with my mom, debating affectionately with my dad, opening some goofy presents, and watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my mom, Cait, and Teryn (!). Cait, Ter, and I had some more girl-talk---Poor Teryn. I'm going to torch Stratis, too.
Saturday! Ter and I slept in until 11:30, and then met with Cait for Red Bank shopping and sushi. That damn reserved parking space bothered me for a whole minute, but I was happy with how fast it faded. I met Gatsby, and he is adorable, like Caitlin claimed. I didn't doubt her, but the proof was much better. By the time we got home, it was time for Teryn and I to get primped.
At 10:40, we FINALLY got to the Dublin House, but opted for Chubby's instead, since Ter could get in there. Erin met us (=)!), as did Matt and Tom---plus Alex and Stephen who were nice enough to drive us. It was pretty silly. Cait took an awesome spill, some bands played, and we were kept company by about 20 people---most of whom were men. They leered and said things like "maybe we should go back inside" when our party waltzed past and into the club. YET! When Cait and I went outside for a smoke, standing there-she looked like a class act and I wasn't bad, either--they wouldn't even talk to us! They just kind of watched us! Grow some balls, gents. We were making it easy.
The best--despite how creepy Cait thinks it is--is when the owner came up to the pair of us at the end of the night. We exchanged names, he wished me a happy belated birthday, and then he invited me to the "small afterparty" where they had "tequila, beer, wine, etc." Not too many people could come, though, since it was a new place. Neighbors and all, right? He told me how awesome the view was; we could see the ocean from the balcony! Imagine! The ocean! I only grew up 20 minutes from it! I got his address and phone number and left to consume a 3 am Broadway Diner burger. It was glorious. Thanks for the ego boost, R.B.
I had to go too soon. Another day to drive around would've been nice, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to destress. I wish I could have the people I have here back home.
I didn't get to take Behr out, either. Huff. Susie is so fat, zomg.
Cait, I miss you, too. I can't wait for simultaneous recovery! ;]!
Video-To-Go has the most amazing movie collection. I am in love. We watched Poltergeist tonight, and after 12 years, I still hate that fucking clown doll.
Kittens, hats, and Fatboy Slim are the best combination for a music video. FACT. |
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(O Rly?) |
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| Hello, brother... |
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| 03:30am 19/10/2008 |
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mood: calm
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I am bad at sly codes and worse at saying what I mean to.
Just start reading my mind from now on, please.
Wait, on second thought (har), that might turn out even worse.
There are a lot of things I want to say, to a scattered handful. I'll probably gobble up most of it, and keep it to myself, because I'm stubborn and because the timing isn't right, or because there isn't the opportunity, there isn't the invitation, and because there isn't a proper medium. Also, because maybe they wouldn't want to hear it, or they wouldn't even care. I've already been talking more than I should, or more than I used to, and I'm not sure I like it. Same broken record, same responses.
I am excited for AMC fearfest to start, just like I enjoy the SciFi 31 Days of Halloween. I know it's cheesy, but I love curling up during October, spending nights watching horror movies good and bad, alike. We watched Stay Alive, tonight, and Dragon Wars. Success.
One more exam before I go home. I need to buckle down and focus on it.
I have nothing of value to say!
Well, other than this: Baby, you deserve far more than this world gives you. You deserve someone who returns all that you give of yourself. I wish I could patch you myself, but I can't, but remember that I love you, for what it's worth. I'll be home, soon, and I would like to give you a big hug. |
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(O Rly?) |
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| We fight, we break up. We kiss... |
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| 07:13am 17/10/2008 |
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mood: bouncy
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I heard that song no less than six times today. But I still really like it. Oh God.
Womanizer by Britney Spears has grown on me. Oh Godx2.
I have been on such a posting craze lately! I don't even know why! Exclamation points!
I made up a lab today, and it blew, but I at least yielded a product. I was making it up since I completely fucking ruined it the first time. I was the last one to leave. I hate chemistry, btw. Also, I'm pretty sure my TA thinks I'm retarded and she very clearly does not like me. Meh, whatever. Six more weeks, and we never have to see each other again. I also broke two glassware items today! Yay!
What elseeeeeeeeeeee? I am so awake! I've been getting scattered hours of sleep for the past couple of days, but after this morning, I can sleep in! Well, tonight, at least.
In my car, I was wondering (and no, this is not a jab. Real curiousity!) over CDs and tapes people made me. I wonder if any of them recycled the songs on another person. I'd like to hope not, but I guess it's pretty possible. I might be guilty of it. It doesn't totally matter, though, because I still love the tapes I got in high-school and the CDs after, and all the songs exes showed me somewhere along the line. I have a lot of associations to people through songs. I like it. It's always reminding me of things I temporarily forget. Plus, eventually you just get to like things because you honestly just enjoy them, right? It's only mus--no, movies, too, I suppose. Anything else? Well, in my case, clothes. I have a habit of accumulating. I STILL have some of Art's pants, and I dated him sophomore year of high school. They're all worn. I got a new pair of plaid pants like them, which are much more comfy, but there is no dance for them. I have shirts from clubbing with Angela, and jeans I could only dream of fitting a leg in, now. I used to have Cait's hoodie. I wore it all through high school, with that huge rip in the sleeve from jumping a fence. I wore a few pairs of her socks into the ground, too. Scout's sweater, which everyone thinks is ugly, but I find too snuggly to care...Haha, I'm terrible.
Who knows! I'm a fool for the itty bits of hope I let sneak into my head. But I don't care! Oh, the exclamation points!
Maybe maybe maybe....Time to study some more! |
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(O Rly?) |
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| Libraries are for lovers... |
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| 12:18am 16/10/2008 |
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I am so not into doing work tonight. I think Jake's brain is falling out as he sits next to me--I'm not even talking, and I have that effect!
I look like a goober, apparently, here: http://www.palestra.net/videos/play/16087
I never realized I was that short. I mean, I know I'm short, but when I'm talking to people, they never seem THAT far from eye-level. I might have a complex.
I will be home in another week!
Also, I have never had a boyfriend on my birthday. Not once! I always end up dating later in the year. I've never been kissed under mistletoe, either. While it might be too late to rectify the first, I might be able to pull off the latter.
Finally, I have a new niece! My sister stole my intended girl baby-name, but whatever. Eventually I'll let it go. 
Aren't they cute?
I need to go to the Salvation Army this weekend to try and piece together my costume. I might end up seeing Electric Six on Friday, too, maybe.
I want to go to some cheesy bar next Saturday, I think.
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(2Ya rly!s | O Rly?) |
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| Updates? Updates!... |
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| 06:47pm 11/10/2008 |
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mood: content
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So--
1. I'm unemployed at the moment, and no, I will not talk about it further. We move on!
2. I just got back from Troy, MI, where I had a good time. Holly's family is a lot of fun. Believe it!
3. I get to go home in two weeks!! I am so excited! I really didn't think it would happen but my mom is pretty amazing, sometimes. Most of the time. But don't tell her I said that. Anyway, I leave two days after my birthday and get to spend two nights in NJ. It's not the longest trip, sure, but I'm still very happy! I can go to a bar with my friends, maybe take Behr out....=]
4. One Missed Call= Lulz.
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(O Rly?) |
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| Some tigers stand upright... |
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| 05:48pm 09/10/2008 |
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mood: bouncy
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I want to be doing something, but there's nothing to do. It's so nice outside! Anyone want to go to a park? Why are all of you busy with other things? Huff.
Also, this Fall Break nonsense makes me jealous! I want a break before Thanksgiving, too, plz! I'm supposed to go to Troy with Holly for a day--I envy her ability to go home for a weekend or a day-trip when she wants. I would like to go home, just for a few days--maybe around my birthday, though I doubt I can swing it considering I lack the a) days off from class and b) fundz.
;_;
Lolz.
Edit: So, after rolling on the floor, watching part of Knocked Up, and the start of the Red Wings game, Tom and I headed out to the mall. We played my FAVORITE mall game, called 'Smell everything in Yankee Candle' and proceeded to try a similar game at Victoria's Secret. I smell like about...forty different sprays right now, but they are all delicious. I'll admit it--I'm a sucker for a good scent.
We stopped in the book store on the way back, and the art books reminded me that I really want to be able to do photography. I know that's a pretty common thing. I would like to be more artistic, though---to make something people thought was pretty and interesting. I think I'm interested in photography, too, because I like the way people turn out in pictures, especially when they're candid. I feel like I don't have enough snapshots.
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(2Ya rly!s | O Rly?) |
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| It was a slap in the face... |
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| 11:56am 05/10/2008 |
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mood:  scared
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There is only one good that comes from the shit-storm of my morning: suddenly, all that petty shit I was so stressed out about doesn't matter in the fucking slightest.
Hopefully, this is a lesson I will retain. Probably not. I need a stiff drink and a punch to the temple. |
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(O Rly?) |
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| 4 realies... |
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| 06:25pm 04/10/2008 |
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mood:  irritated
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I seem to be bored, lately, which means this gets a lot more posts put into it.
Okay, so, I've been at work for like...six and a half hours, now, and it's been completely uneventful. BUT! This guy that regularly comes in during my shift strolls in, offers a hello, and heads to the back office to study. Fine, cool, whatever. Generally, he's nice and friendly, and occasionally he'll ask for a favor, like printing off a few pages, and that's no big deal. So, after hanging out in the back room, he saunters back to the desk and makes some small talk, then asks for the paper cutting thing, which I let him borrow. After I'm done putting it back, he asks for a stamp. So, I'm all 'Yeah, sure. .42 cents". Easy enough. I go to get it for him, noting he hasn't pulled out any change and that all he said was 'Thanks'. I poke my head out to say: 'Um, do you have the change?' And he replies: 'What? Oh, no...' I answer with a 'Well, I can't just give it to you...they're part of the cash bank...' and he has the NERVE to say 'Wait...don't you have any change?'
What. The. Hell. I am not your friend. I don't owe you anything. And BY THE WAY, mister, you are NOT charming, you sure as fuck are not my type, and I don't do you small favors because I find you appealing in any way. This is my job. Get the fuck over yourself, asshole.
Huff. |
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(1Ya rly! | O Rly?) |
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barf_out's journal
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